Ouch

I called the fertility center today to get a quote on prices and you could have knocked me over with a feather. $1345.00. That is the cost for one simple round of a lightly medicated IUI cycle. For the very same treatment six years ago it was under $500.00.

I'm not quite sure where this leaves me. I don't know if I can spend that much for one chance. I understand that it's a chance worth taking if it works, but what if it doesn't.  Will I be okay with myself and making that decision if the stick stays white and we're still a "mommy-son" family? Will I be okay if I opt for the at-home approach and the stick doesn't turn blue though? I don't know.

Thinking out loud or maybe more like venting?

I have thought about another child since my son was born. It's just never felt like the right time. Then last month I was able to purchase vials from my son's donor and everything seemed to fall into place. So, why am I not jumping for joy?

My life long plan has never included an only child. Then again, I never planned to be single this long either. I don't want my child to be an "only," forever. I want him to have someone in the world like him. I want him to have someone when I'm gone. This is one of the biggest reasons I want to have another child.

I am a fully committed full time college student and have several more years to go. Right now I have more time than most parents have with their children. I'm in school 4 days a week then at home for 3.  My income is stable and sufficient for my monthly expenses as well as savings and my son's college fund. I have a stable home and car. My family and friends are supportive. *If I schedule it right and *If all goes as planned I will only need to take off one semester for the last bit of pregnancy and recovery. (I understand nothing is set when it comes to pregnancy and children, but I've planned the best that I can for it. My pregnancy with my son was easy. There really wasn't much recovery) If it all goes haywire and I need to take off more time I will still have enough income and it's much easier to take time off from school than work.

This all sounds so positive why am I wavering?

I wish it wasn't a matter of doing this alone or not at all. I wish I had someone by my side. I wonder if I just keep waiting maybe the right person will come along. I'm not going to get any younger though and I already have complications with my fertility. I guess I'm just a bit sad over not being able to share this part of my life with someone who would love my son as much as I do.