Fertility Consult

My fertility consult is at 9. I'm so nervous. I hope it goes well. eek.

I met the CNM

First, this was hanging up in the exam room. I'm not saying it means anything, but I do like to find little possible signs :)

I had my appt at the new OBGYN office this morning. The CNM I met with seems nice and her background is exactly what I'm looking for. One of the best parts is that she worked at a hospital that is VERY Vbac friendly. I'm on the fence on if I want one, but I definately want it to be my choice.

My pap went great. I should have the results in two weeks.

I asked her about going back on Me*for*in and she agreed to 1000mg dose for the next couple of months. I will start taking that tonight. *joy joy* Anyone who has been on it knows what I mean. She also wrote me a script for zpac. I've had some kind of head funk for a few weeks and I'm pretty tired of it.

Now it's onto the big appt. I'm so nervous about meeting this new dr. eek.

I should be in bed...

It's 10pm and I should be in bed, but I'm here instead. Tomorrow morning I will go in for my not-so-yearly yearly pap and talk to the cnm about possibly re-starting Met*or*in. I don't think I need it. My sugars look great, but it can't hurt to talk to her about them on the off chance they are some kind of miracle baby making cure.

The real appointment that has me petrified is the one on Thursday. The IF center appointment. I feel like I'm heading in for a life or death interview. For some reason I feel like I'm going to have to justify my life and my choices because I'm single. What if they turn me away because I'm overweight? I'm always scared of that one...Logically, I've been through this appt before and no one ever commented on my weight and I weigh less now than I did the last time I was seen. The only real comfort I've been able to find over this is that I know at least a part of them does this for the money and I could very well look like a $ to them. If that's the case I think I'd be okay with it. I'd much rather have to deal with that then someone who likes to play God when choosing who they will treat based on "old fashioned" standards.

Okay, I'm off to bed now.

Getting closer

This morning I called the IF center to reschedule my intake because it was conflicting with an out-of-town friend's visit and it was cutting close to when I was suppose to get AF.  When I called, the receptionist gave me the choice of a female on the 3rd or a male on the 5th. I chose the 5th. So, my appt is in less than a week. Holy Cow! I think I will be saying that a lot in the coming weeks. eek. This is crazy.

Tonight after dinner I check my email and was surprised to find an email from the IF center. It was full of all the paperwork that I need to fill out before my appt. which includes health history, sexual history, pregnancy history, what organs I'm willing to donate for a chance at a healthy pregnancy...just kidding...There was also information on infertility counseling and what vitamins I should be taking at least one month prior to conceiving.

I called and scheduled my yearly exam for the 3rd as well. ick. I think the last time I had a yearly was 3? 4? years ago. I've been to this practice before and liked the cnm I saw, but she is no longer there. I heard great things about the person I will be seeing on the 3rd. I hope we hit it off well. It would be nice to already know who will be handling my care if there is a pregnancy at the end of this...a girl can hope...

On Monday I will send some paperwork to the s*erm bank, have my blood work results sent to the IF center and wait some more ;-)

It's getting closer.

Holy Cow!

CD 4

I'm sitting at CD 4. The next time I see CD 4 I should be starting C*omid. Holy Cow. It felt like a million years away and now we're almost at the starting line for this once in a lifetime do-over. The "last" vial all over again. I can't believe it.

There have been several times throughout the last 2 months where I wasn't sure this would happen. So many reasons have raced through my mind about waiting and not waiting. Do I dare attempt single motherhood with two children? Do I wait so my child(ren) can have two parents? Is this fair to my son? What happens if my pregnancy is one big catastrophy? What if something goes horribly wrong? I don't know, but my ideal in terms of where my son and I sit...I want him to have someone to walk this life with, someone he can rant and rave with about their crazy mom, someone who understands what it's like to have no father, but a donor.  Someone he can have that unimaginable bond with.

So, here I go, almost. My last attempt at my single parent dream of giving my son someone who he can grow up and old with that shares his full genetic make up.

whew

Before I went into the dr office to try getting the blood test taken care of I took a long hot shower. That proved to be the winning ticket because the MA only had to stick me once. I was so glad that my body cooperated this time.

Blood draws aren't painful. They're just a pain.

For some reason my body likes my blood and doesn't like to hand it over to anyone, ever. It's always 50/50 as to whether the MAs will be able to find a willing vein and then it's even more slim that it will actually drain. I've ended up having to head to the hospital many times. ICK.

So, when I saw the amount of vials yesterday (5) I knew I was in for an uphill battle. I laughed at the MA and said good luck. After an hour of sticks, gloves filled with hot water, 2 cups of chlorine tasting hot water to drink, running my arms under hot water and a flash light that sort of reminded me of a taser (to use this he had to stick me in the dark...) we had a grand total of 1/3 of one vial. awesome.

At that point I could either head to the hospital or come back tomorrow morning. I chose the latter. I'm heading back in about an hour. I hope my vains cooperate a bit better today. If not I'll have to head to the hospital.